This is how the story went, I met this kid on accident. He was scarred and alone in life. We got along well enough and one day on the way home from home leave sitting in the back of jenny perdues minivan he kissed me. That was it. We found out everything about each other. He was practically an orphan whose mother had died the summer before. We realized I had been sitting next to him when he got the call, but neither of us had known it at the time.
Our friendship stemmed from both basically failing math. We would sit through the class and just joke the whole time. From there we grew to be honest with each other which built trust that neither of us had known before. Through trust came fondness and fondness opened the door to unguarded love. And so began our roller coaster of a relationship. Neither of us knew how to communicate and jealousy became an issue. Our problem solving technique was to yell at each other, break up, and fix it a few hours later. Childish love. That is really the only way to describe it. After officially breaking up came graduation and parting. We had a sustain for each other, my guess is that it stemmed from pain and our prides were both hurt.
Yet every time we were in the vicinity of each other it was like a moth to the flame. We were just drawn to each other. If we weren't making out, we were having a serious conversation, or he was teaching me to skate, or we were fighting about some difference in views. No matter the out come we would text for days, sometimes weeks afterward. Since high school we have never gone a whole year with out speaking. Finally Steaven decided he needed a new start and moved to Cali. I doubt this is the end of our story, but at the moment it sure feels like it is.
This relationship is the cornerstone to the rest of my relationships. It helped to mold who I am and Steaven Edward Davis has left an impression on me that will last my entire life time.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Box
I'm getting closer and closer to graduating. I have good stressors and bad stressors., but nothing paralyses me more than when I realize I will never see your face again.
The visor in my car has three pictures in it. The first is of you and I our junior year. It was taken by my parents in a church. You had been in appropriately touching me moments before they took the picture. Your face is one of concern and surprise and mine is of joy and laughter. That is the photo I usually see. When I see it I laugh because you look so surprised.
The second photo is of us again. This time it's senior year right after the talent show. I'm holding onto you for dear life and you have your arm around me. You're wearing a bed sheet tied around your neck like a cape. You're a super hero. You're my super hero.
The third picture is not of you- it's of the trifecta. Me and my two closest girl friends. It is graduation day. We had just been playing soccer while waiting to walk down the isle and finish our highschool experience. I had given you a scrap book that you had put into a box a long with something for me "to discover in years to come". After the ceremony we took that box to our spot in the woods and buried it with the hope of finding it at a reunion one year. I never went to a high school reunion. You went every year.
When I went to the north for your service, I stopped at our high school first. Through feet of snow I dug. Trying to find that god damn box. It's gone. Or I've forgotten where we left it. I think you took it. I think you had that box. I remember hearing that while you were a dean you'd disappear to the woods every once in a while. I hope you had it.
The visor in my car has three pictures in it. The first is of you and I our junior year. It was taken by my parents in a church. You had been in appropriately touching me moments before they took the picture. Your face is one of concern and surprise and mine is of joy and laughter. That is the photo I usually see. When I see it I laugh because you look so surprised.
The second photo is of us again. This time it's senior year right after the talent show. I'm holding onto you for dear life and you have your arm around me. You're wearing a bed sheet tied around your neck like a cape. You're a super hero. You're my super hero.
The third picture is not of you- it's of the trifecta. Me and my two closest girl friends. It is graduation day. We had just been playing soccer while waiting to walk down the isle and finish our highschool experience. I had given you a scrap book that you had put into a box a long with something for me "to discover in years to come". After the ceremony we took that box to our spot in the woods and buried it with the hope of finding it at a reunion one year. I never went to a high school reunion. You went every year.
When I went to the north for your service, I stopped at our high school first. Through feet of snow I dug. Trying to find that god damn box. It's gone. Or I've forgotten where we left it. I think you took it. I think you had that box. I remember hearing that while you were a dean you'd disappear to the woods every once in a while. I hope you had it.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
To Make You Feel My Love
When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.
I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.
The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love
Saturday, February 1, 2014
The Day You Died
Listening to: Make You Feel My Love - Adele
It's been almost 6 years since graduation. Since the day I said goodbye to you, never for you to have a full time role in my life ever again. You won my heart in a way that no one else had before. After graduation our relationship was spotty. I'd hear from you a few times a month at first, but anytime we were around each other it was like a gravitational pull to each other. There was rarely a time that I was in your area or you were in mine that we didn't see each other or spend the night together.
Last Friday I was talking to you about my past. About how I was scared that my past was influencing my future and defining me. You were calm the whole time and gave me amazing advice. I wanted to tell you I love you, but that never ends well when I say it out loud. This Friday you over dosed. They say you went to sleep and you never woke up. Today is the 1st of Feburary 2014. This is the worst day of my life.
This seems so unreal. I keep waiting for a text from you that says - Man, people like to gossip - or something like that. I don't want this to be true. I want someone to have their facts wrong, but your phone goes straight to voice mail, your Facebook is deleted, and all the social media sites say that your life is over.
After our friend died last February I told you how often I was having night mares about people committing suicide. I asked you every time I talked to you for almost 6 months to please not die, because I wouldn't be able to stand it... I was right. I can't stand this. Why did you over dose? Did you know you over dosed? Did you know that you were ending your life? I know you had a crazy difficult life, but god I loved you. I wanted to always be there for you, because you were always there for me.
I'm not in denial. But I wish this was joke. I wish so badly this was a joke. Can this be a joke?
It's been almost 6 years since graduation. Since the day I said goodbye to you, never for you to have a full time role in my life ever again. You won my heart in a way that no one else had before. After graduation our relationship was spotty. I'd hear from you a few times a month at first, but anytime we were around each other it was like a gravitational pull to each other. There was rarely a time that I was in your area or you were in mine that we didn't see each other or spend the night together.
Last Friday I was talking to you about my past. About how I was scared that my past was influencing my future and defining me. You were calm the whole time and gave me amazing advice. I wanted to tell you I love you, but that never ends well when I say it out loud. This Friday you over dosed. They say you went to sleep and you never woke up. Today is the 1st of Feburary 2014. This is the worst day of my life.
This seems so unreal. I keep waiting for a text from you that says - Man, people like to gossip - or something like that. I don't want this to be true. I want someone to have their facts wrong, but your phone goes straight to voice mail, your Facebook is deleted, and all the social media sites say that your life is over.
After our friend died last February I told you how often I was having night mares about people committing suicide. I asked you every time I talked to you for almost 6 months to please not die, because I wouldn't be able to stand it... I was right. I can't stand this. Why did you over dose? Did you know you over dosed? Did you know that you were ending your life? I know you had a crazy difficult life, but god I loved you. I wanted to always be there for you, because you were always there for me.
I'm not in denial. But I wish this was joke. I wish so badly this was a joke. Can this be a joke?
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