Rocks

Sophomore year of high school we fought like cats and dogs. I actually don't think we went a whole week with out getting into a fight. Through that came so many beautiful stories.

Once we were fighting - I have no clue what about - you would stand at "the line" and throw rocks at my window on the second floor. In front of my room was the deans apartment  and more often than not your rocks would fall short and hit her roof. I remember one time I was especially pissed and you climbed a tree with rocks in your hand to throw at my window. I could see you sitting in the tree and you were making call noises at me. When I didn't show signs of interest you started throwing rocks.  I 'm laughing just thinking about it. Mrs. Berlin (the dean) opens one of her windows and yells at you to stop throwing rocks! You responded that it was important you got my attention. So Mrs. Berlin comes up to my room and tells me to get outside and talk to you because anyone who climbs a tree to throw rocks at your window deserved my attention.  She was so right.

Your Clothes

In every part of that taylor song, a million memories come running into my head.

With out fail when it hits the chorus that goes:

So I'll go
Sit on the floor wearing your clothes
all that I know is I don't know
How to be something you'd miss.
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
I never imagined it end like this
your name forever the name on my lips
just like our last
kiss


I think of the element sweater you gave me senior year of high school. I'm so happy I never threw it away like I did almost everything else. Now when I miss you I take off all my clothes, put on that hoodie and write and write until every memory I have of you is written down. I never want to forget you.

September 2013

We had been talking for weeks about how it had been almost a year since we last saw each other. Then one thursday you texted me 4 words: coming to see you.

When you got into town I picked you up and took you to my house. We drank hard cider and I got tipsy. You got worried about me and started talking about how much you didn't like alcohol while forcing me to drink water. Then we went up to my room and watched a movie and cuddled. Cuddling with you is something I have never experienced with anyone else. You were like a cloud of silk. Gentle and comforting, you smelled just enough like outdoors/man/and weed. Your arms were strong and soft. When you held me it was like, I'd found my place.

I worked that weekend. After work on Saturday I begged you to go to a gay bar with me. You finally relented with the stipulation that you absolutely could not dance. We went. You danced, just the thought makes me smile. That night you slept in my bed.

We kissed. We kissed a lot. When you climbed on top of me to come into me, I pushed you off. Confused you asked what was going on. I told you - " I already love you with out sex, I don't know what sex would do to me." You answered - "You and love...". Then I turned my back to you thinking that was the end of that. You spooned me, held me, and stroked my hair. That night you fell asleep before I did and I just stared at you for a long time before I fell asleep.

The next morning you asked me to shower with you. I turned you down. I regret that.

Last Kiss

I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered
For just us to know
You told me you loved me
So why did you go away?
Away

I do recall now the smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement
I ran off the plane
That July 9th
The beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms

But now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

I do remember the swing of your step
The life of the party, you're showing off again
And I roll my eyes and then
You pull me in
I'm not much for dancing
But for you I did

Because I love your handshake, meeting my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions

And I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are

And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind

So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

Just like our last kiss
Forever the name on my lips
Forever the name on my lips

Just like our last...