We had been talking for weeks about how it had been almost a year since we last saw each other. Then one thursday you texted me 4 words: coming to see you.
When you got into town I picked you up and took you to my house. We drank hard cider and I got tipsy. You got worried about me and started talking about how much you didn't like alcohol while forcing me to drink water. Then we went up to my room and watched a movie and cuddled. Cuddling with you is something I have never experienced with anyone else. You were like a cloud of silk. Gentle and comforting, you smelled just enough like outdoors/man/and weed. Your arms were strong and soft. When you held me it was like, I'd found my place.
I worked that weekend. After work on Saturday I begged you to go to a gay bar with me. You finally relented with the stipulation that you absolutely could not dance. We went. You danced, just the thought makes me smile. That night you slept in my bed.
We kissed. We kissed a lot. When you climbed on top of me to come into me, I pushed you off. Confused you asked what was going on. I told you - " I already love you with out sex, I don't know what sex would do to me." You answered - "You and love...". Then I turned my back to you thinking that was the end of that. You spooned me, held me, and stroked my hair. That night you fell asleep before I did and I just stared at you for a long time before I fell asleep.
The next morning you asked me to shower with you. I turned you down. I regret that.
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