The Day You Died

Listening to: Make You Feel My Love - Adele

It's been almost 6 years since graduation. Since the day I said goodbye to you, never for you to have a full time role in my life ever again. You won my heart in a way that no one else had before. After graduation our relationship was spotty. I'd hear from you a few times a month at first, but anytime we were around each other it was like a gravitational pull to each other. There was rarely a time that I was in your area or you were in mine that we didn't see each other or spend the night together.

Last Friday I was talking to you about my past. About how I was scared that my past was influencing my future and defining me. You were calm the whole time and gave me amazing advice. I wanted to tell you I love you, but that never ends well when I say it out loud. This Friday you over dosed. They say you went to sleep and you never woke up. Today is the 1st of Feburary 2014. This is the worst day of my life.

This seems so unreal. I keep waiting for a text from you that says - Man, people like to gossip - or something like that. I don't want this to be true. I want someone to have their facts wrong, but your phone goes straight to voice mail, your Facebook is deleted, and all the social media sites say that your life is over.

After our friend died last February I told you how often I was having night mares about people committing suicide. I asked you every time I talked to you for almost 6 months to please not die, because I wouldn't be able to stand it... I was right. I can't stand this. Why did you over dose? Did you know you over dosed? Did you know that you were ending your life? I know you had a crazy difficult life, but god I loved you. I wanted to always be there for you, because you were always there for me.

I'm not in denial. But I wish this was joke. I wish so badly this was a joke. Can this be a joke?